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Do you ever have a hard time finding occasional cards for the members of your family? Maybe
it's just me. Not too long ago, I was walking down the card aisle at my local Wal-Mart, searching for the perfect birthday card for my grandfather.
I hate picking out cards for my grandfather because all the ones they have rave about the wisdom and love that grandfathers pass along to their beloved grandchildren. This does not work for me. My grandfather is a religious fanatic who has disowned me at least seven times in the course of my 26 years. His favorite conversational subject is how I am going to Hell. The only pet name he ever had for me was "Child of Babylon." He even told me once that I sound like a pig when I eat. What kind of grandpa says that?!
I have problems finding appropriate cards for my other family members too. They
don't sell cards for bi-polar sisters who beat the shit out of you, or congratulations cards for your uncle who recently joined the Ku Klux Klan.
By the way, did you know that the KKK sends out Christmas and
Valentine's cards? That is no joke. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of these glad tidings of racism. These cards usually combine holiday greetings with veiled threats. I will say they do make quite the conversation piece though. Not many people have ever seen a Nativity card with words like whore, white trash, kike and nigger written on the inside. And to think that Jesus was Jewish!
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