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Ritzler, Florida was once known for nothing more than the Bambi Boxler Museum of Leg Warmers off Highway 720. But that was before Rock Jackson became mayor and declared Ritzler America's only clothing-optional city.
At first, all 678 residents of Ritzler laughed when signs went up around town announcing that clothing was no longer required within the city limits. They got more serious when the mayor began parading around town with his privates dangling like charms on a bracelet.
"Howdy, Miss Epperly," he said, tipping an imaginary hat to the lady who once taught him his ABC's.
She gave him one of those looks she gave all of us back in first grade and made old Rock's rocks shrivel to the size of peas, but he just walked right on by with a smile on his face.
As time went on, folks got used to Rock and a few other men making their way around town wearing nothing but sandals and silly grins. The first naked female was a shocker, especially since it was none other than Bambi Boxler herself. Now back in high school most of the males at Ritzler High had seen at least parts of Bambi naked, she being elected Miss Popularity for a reason. But over twenty years had passed since high school and there was a lot more to Bambi now -- over one hundred pounds more, I reckon. But she sashayed her whole self around town like she was still cheering for the Ritzler Rockets. I mean she wiggled and jiggled, and flounced and
flopped like a bucket of Jell-O in the back of a pick-up truck bouncing down a dirt road.
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